Dating in your mid 20’s – Train crush guy and the married men phenomenon

Escrito por Prophet

I know that I made an executive decision and firm affirmation that my crush on Train Station Crush Guy is over and it is. But this morning I had a very important conference to go to and thought well I might as well dress up. I must sat, at the risk of sounding like I have tickets on myself, for a change I felt like I was looking pretty hot. Well turns out train station crush guy was at the train station this morning and on my train but I didn’t see him because I caught the train at the last min and amongst the multitude of people I didn’t see him. I did see him once I got out at my stop and he had stepped out of the train to let other people out of his carriage. I walked right past him but I am pretty sure he didn’t see me… damnit!.. isn’t it just like that? The day you feel sexy and feel like you are looking mighty fine… the guy you want to notice you doesn’t and the men that you have absolutely no interest in, never could, never will are the ones that give the reactions you didn’t want to attract… hehe.

Today was one of those days.

Whenever I spot a guy that I think is nice or meet a guy that I look at and think ‘hello there… how you doin’ the first thing I ensure to do is check for a wedding band. If there is a wedding band/ring on that finger…. Hands off… property of wife and its just not a place I ever go to. It would be like voluntarily stepping into a field of landmines, KNOWING that there are landmines there and it would be just plain stupidity to flirt with or go after a married man. Well after I left the train and didn’t get to (flaunt myself) walk past the field of vision of train station crush guy I resumed my usual route to my office building. On the way two men seemed to continually smile at me and one who happened to work in my building kept making conversation… I know that it was probably just conversation but the point is that I was getting attention from married men… and that is the kind of attention that I just do not want or desire.

The worst story I have of married men interest in me happened a while ago. Again I was on the train (I know, I like taking public transport to work – I can hear you all now – susi spice ur a freak stop with the trains already) but anyway here is the sordid story.

I used to work in another company where I had pretty set hours. I would have my schedule and leave at the scheduled time and was on a routine of catching the train at the same time every day. One of these days I got to my home train station and was crossing the road.. a young man – Mr Smiley (prob about late 20’s or early 30’s) shone a small smile but I didn’t know him and my reaction as you all now know is a bit delayed with things like this so I didn’t smile figured it was not for me and just went on my merry way.  This kept happening for about 2 weeks..and been the clueless girl that I can be sometimes, I never replied the smile I just figured that the person he was smiling at just happened to always be behind me. Eventually the small smile became a bigger smile and this particular time I thought.. ‘do I know this guy?’ so I looked at him and smiled with that kind of look that says ‘do I know you?’ I cautiously looked back just in case it was to someone behind me, but this time there was no one behind me. This became the daily afternoon routine for another few weeks. I would get off the train, he would be there in his car in the same parking space on the road, he would smile I would smile back and id continue on my way home thinking nothing of it.

I would have to estimate that it was about a good couple of months maybe when I first noticed that something started to change. We had exchanged smiles and as I walked along that same stretch of road I noticed that a car, similar to his, drove past slowly… the windows were tinted so I couldn’t see who it was in the car. The car drove into a drive way and then reversed and drove back down in my direction, slowly again. But I chose to believe it was not Mr Smiley. This happened about 3 times in 1 week. Always driving up to a few driveways infront of me and then driving back. It then stopped – which as good. A few days later something else different happened, I was walking home and saw his car drive past me but this time he just kept going so I thought well I guess whoever he is picking up arrived and he is on his merry way…. But no… he drove past ..i thought..it couldn’t possibly have been him… then it happened a second time…. I thought to myself, ‘’susi spice you are just going crazy that was not him but if it was him… how did he manage to drive past in the same direction twice without going back up the street and me not seeing him??” So again I chose to believe that it wasn’t Mr Smiley… this particular routine happened on two other days and I figured out that he was actually doing blockies!! He actually started doing blockies … I was slightly freaked out but kinda flattered but was trying very hard not to believe that he was doing it for me… on the 4^th time it happened he slowed down, Mr Smiley wound down his window, smiled and gave me a lifted hand like a wave…I was shocked, embarrassed and yeah a little weirded out but I waved back. Mr Smiley had the biggest grin on his face that I had replied his wave and gave him the biggest smile since the beginning of our smiling encounters. It then began to happen that from then on, he would always wave and I would wave back.

By this point in time I had stopped working at the company with the regular schedule and had started working for another department where my hours were flexible and had a choice of when to start and finish work. I had also by this point in time, told my girl friends all about Mr Smiley and I had been set a challenge. To actually greet him, to say hello. It had been a couple weeks since id seen him but one day I did… I was about to cross the road from the train station, he opened his door and I thought he was about to get out, but he didn’t he sat back down and just smiled and waved… so I very perkily said  ‘’hi, how are you?’’ and flashed him a big smile…he replied with a big grin ‘’great thanks, see ya’’… and I kept on walking. He drove past and did a blockie.. seeing me entering my driveway he smiled and waved and kept on going. I was shocked at myself, I was feeling quite quite flattered and yeah what can I say?

The following Friday I had not seen him at all. I had planned on staying home and painting – no not painting my house or walls I was painting on canvas. So I got home, put on my painting pants, took off my bra and put on my old singlet top and started to paint… suddenly I got a knock at my door… I opened my door… took one look at the guy and reactively shut the door immediately… I thought ‘’OH MY GOD IT COULDN’T BE??? NO FREAKING WAY!!!’’… so I opened the door again slowly and peaked out… A man that looked like Mr Smiley was standing at my door… I must admit it was a weird, scary freaking yet strangely exciting… I didn’t even know what to say… and he began to speak and these were his words ‘’hi umm.. sorry to bother you… but.. um… well… I saw someone ..um… running out of your driveway and ..um.. wanted to let you know that you should check your car … um.. just yeah.. ‘’ he smiled and left… well are you confused about this???? Cause I was! I was totally confused! maybe this wasn’t Mr Smiley, so I closed my door lent back on it thinking, ‘’omg was this some weirdo that did something to my car???’’ so I stood there for 2 mins… then slowly opened my door.. peaked out… there was no one there…I slowly and carefully and cautiously stepped outside looking in all directions… he was gone I walked around my car ensuring that this guy hadn’t broken into it or left a note or something.. but it was fine. I stood at the top of my driveway (it’s a long drive way) looking out into the road and I noticed red lights peaking out from the bushes at the end of the drive way… the suddenly a car reverses back… OH MY FREAKING GOSH!!!!!! It was Mr Smiley!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mr Smiley had come to my door with some freaking incomprehensible story… WTF?!??? At that point yeah I was a bit freaked out… I thought who the F*** is this guy!????  I literally pointed at him as I said to myself.. oh my god its Mr Smiley… he then drove off.

I didn’t see him for 1 week, and when I finally saw him again I walked past his car and said.. ‘’ my car was fine, thank you’’ and kept walking. Mr Smiley ran after me and caught me about half a block down the road.. he started to apologise profusely ‘’im so sorry, please forgive me, you must think im a freak or a stalker but im really sorry to have freaked you out..it sjust that.. well..ive been seeing you for months and I just wanted to say hi…I got to your door and didn’t know what to say what I said was stupid it wasn’t what I had planned to say.. I am just so sorry im so embarrassed’’… I told him ‘’yeah you did freak me out, but just don’t do anything to me and we will just leave it alone and forget it ever happened hows that?’’ and we stood there and started to just talk… he introduced himself formally and I introduced myself.. we talked a little and then he asked me if i would give him the opportunity to take me out for a coffee. Against better judgement I accepted, we arranged to meet a coffee place of my choice on the Saturday. He didn’t show up.

Mr Smiley had stood me up.

That week I caught a very late train and as I had arrived at my station I finally finallyyy saw who he is picking up at the train station – it was a woman.. he didn’t see me though. I caught on that maybe this guy had a girlfriend.. I did see the girl and recognized her from my train… so the next time I saw her I talked to her, I said ‘’hi, um..do you know Mr Smiley?’’ and she very sweetly replied ‘’ yes I do’’ .. I continued ‘’ so you are Mr Smileys housemate?’’ – here I was fishing for information and she replied ‘’yes I am’’ and I decided to just confirm this information because I had in mind that if she was nothing of his except a friend, id give her my number to give to Mr Smiley to call me.. so I asked once again to reassure ‘’ So you are his housemate? His friend?’’ and she replied ‘’yes I am, Im his wife and you are?’’ … holy shit!!! Crap crap crap crap crap!!! ‘’im just a friend of his, oh look there is my train..well cya’’ and got the hell outta there… pretended to catch another train line and waited for her train to leave the station. Mr Smiley was a married man……

The next day I had finished work very late.. I was getting home around 7pm… and as I walked down my street I saw a car drive up near me, stop and call out my name ..it was Mr Smiley..he says to me ‘’Susi… hi.. ‘’  I continued with ‘’yeah hi.. I met your wife yesterday’’ and he seemed quite ashamed and admitted ‘’ im so sorry about that, yeah I heard that you had asked her about me.. I didn’t mean to stand you up and I didn’t mean to not tell you its just that she and I have been having problems’’ ‘’oooohhhhhhhhhhh hell nooo no no no no no nooo Mr Smiley… do not even go there… this is wrong and you are doing something really really bad’’ well a very long story short Mr Smiley and I stood there on the road talking, I played marriage counselor and offered him some advice ‘’ please don’t do this, don’t go around cheating on your wife, if you have problems then you have 2 choices.. 1) get marriage counseling, find out wats wrong in your marriage and commit to trying to make it work 2) decide that its over and leave her but don’t cheat’’.. turns out Mr Smiley was on his 2^nd marriage. He agreed and apologized again and despite it all said something that made me really warm inside, Mr Smiley said ‘’ your smile really would light up my day, and from our talk tonight you are truly really very sweet, you will make someone very happy’’. Then he made one final plea ‘’if my wife asks you how we know eachother can you just tell her that we knew each other a long time ago only?’’ I said to him, be it callous or not, ‘’Mr Smiley I wont lie for you, if your wife asks me I will tell her truth, you know this is an issue in your marriage that you need to sort out’’ he agreed that was fair enough and we parted ways.

A few days later I saw his wife on the train..she didn’t see me until she sat down on the seat opposite me … I think he must have told her about me because when she settled in and looked at me… her eyes started to tear up.. she seemed really hurt and furious..but immediately put on her sunnies and stared out the window for the entire ride.. I didn’t get up and leave because I had nothing to be ashamed of and I had done nothing wrong. But I did wish I could have apologized to her or said something but knew better to just let it be. I don’t know what ever happened to them because very soon she stopped catching that train and he never showed up at the train station ever again. For this reason and this experience… I always try to check for signs of a man been married. I would hate to ever purposely come between a couple.. it would just make me a terrible person.

Again I am left standing in this world thinking and conversing with God and the Karmic forces in our universe thinking… ‘’ Surely you can see that I am clearly making all efforts to ensure that I live by some kind of moral standard to do good to others and trying not to hurt people.. sooooo can I have my own guy now?’’ ha-ha

 

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