"Sea Change"

Escrito por Prophet

It’s one of those moments when only “Sea Change” will do. I love Beck for writing the soundtrack to my soul. So it is that I must say this; nothing else will do. I have had this blog for quite some time and a somewhat hidden disdain for the blogging community in general, hence my inability to live within it. But that has never been the agenda of this blog now, has it!?!

This blog built a bridge to all of us again; here we are, still pained, haunted; so many questions of why, always why, without it we have nothing. Why is what drives us, compels us, on and on; reaching out; needing, always needing each other. I know this is true on so many more levels, then just blog stats. So believe me when I say I know this blog is for us.

I stand before you now asking your forgiveness; forgiveness for the misuse of a gift. What gift you say, the gift of empathy. I’ve always been able to feel you, all of you; my collective weight. It was why you let me in; why I was able to facilitate change in your life. Every last one of you has admitted it, so I know this is true also. But to facilitate change with agenda is a violation of trust. It was the only way I could feel love that I knew of; that which I desperately wanted to feel; sincerely, I’m so sorry. Please don’t believe you are the only ones that suffer. It is my instant karmic debt, a toddler holding a loaded 45. For every pain, I inflict, I feel as well, wall paper on my soul; now tattered and unrecognizable,

We have left our marks on one another, deep, cutting, but at the same time; comforting. We feel comfort in our pain, its familiarity, without it we lose the image of ourselves; that which we show ourselves and to the rest of the world. We play many roles in our personal movies, but in the close relationships, the ones that burn in smoldering ashes; one is always the good and the other bad. The ego demands this of us so we can survive. I tell you this now, I am not a bad guy but a seriously fucked up good guy; perhaps you already know this; another image for sure.

For some part of me that shines, the intangible; the thing that made us smile; you must have felt that as well and know the truth when I speak it. So I’m asking you one last time to trust me, there is no where left for me to turn except to you. There is someone I wish to stand before as a clean slate and the only way to that canvass is through the old; its tapestry of black and gray must go. I wish us to stand on the edge and throw that which we made into the abyss of illusion; this is not who we are. We are the eternal spirit that is one, this is our truth and I wish to embrace it. I am asking you to come on this journey with me. Let us free ourselves of this pain which isn’t real. Let us be done with the veiled hate that lurks underneath the ache; only love is eternal, that which never changes; that which is on the other side of all the weight, hurt and justifications; is where we find peace.

I will do this without you if I have to; you know this as well, my will can be put to good use when it’s aligned correctly and its potential is limitless. But I want you to come with me. I want your pain to go away. It will be our last journey in this illusion, our karmic debt has been paid and we must continue on in the process of waking up. Let us do it without the weight of our hopeless entanglement. I have said goodbye to you before in anger but could not stay away, only the truth must do.

This will indeed, be my last entry. I do it with hope and dedication; a desire to heal and a final asking and giving of forgiveness; from myself and all of you. Do you think we could stand and smile at one another as we say goodbye? Could we do that, would we want to? I want to, I want to try.

Please try with me
One …Two
Thre……………

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